C1 Advanced report example, marked
The same report written twice: first an answer that would get about 10 out of 20 (just below a pass), then the same answer improved to about 18 out of 20. Every problem and every improvement is marked and explained, criterion by criterion.
The task
You work part-time at a sports centre, which recently held an open day to attract new members. The manager has asked you to write a report on the event.
In your report you should:
Points to include
- evaluate how successful the open day was
- explain what problems there were
- recommend what should be done differently next time
Write your report in 220–260 words.
Answer 1
about 10 / 20Report1
The open day was on Saturday 12th May. It started at 10 o'clock and finished at 4 o'clock. The weather was sunny, so a lot of families came. A lot of people came, maybe 200 people.2
In the morning there were a lot of activities for children, like swimming and football, and the parents could try the gym and the yoga classes. There was also a competition with prizes for the children. The children loved the swimming pool and some of them didn't want to go home. Many people liked the yoga class and they asked about the prices. I think the open day was successful.3
But there were some problems. The car park was full and many people can't park.4 Also there was not enough staff in the gym, so people had to wait a lot. The café closed at 2 o'clock and some visitors were angry. Some visitors also said that the signs in the building were confusing.
Next time we should have more staff and the café should be open all day. Also we can tell people to come by bus. And we need better signs. Maybe we can also make the open day longer, until 6 o'clock.
That's all. I hope this report is useful for you.5
212 words
What goes wrong
- Too general: what is the report about?
- “Maybe” is too vague for a report: give the figure, or say “approximately”.
- A report should evaluate success with evidence – for example, how many people joined.
- Tense: “couldn’t park”. And starting with “But” sounds informal in a report.
- An informal ending: a report should end with clear, formal recommendations.
The marks
All three points are mentioned, but success is not evaluated with any evidence.
Chatty and personal, not the objective style a manager expects.
No headings, and the recommendations are just a short list.
Simple language with some errors (can’t park, not enough staff) and repetition of “a lot”.
Answer 2: the same ideas, improved
about 18 / 20Report on the sports centre open day1
Introduction
This report evaluates the open day held on 12th May, identifies the main problems and makes recommendations for future events.2
How successful was the day?
Overall, the event achieved its main aim.3 Approximately 200 people attended, and by the end of the day 35 had signed up for membership4, a significant increase on last year. The children’s activities and the taster yoga sessions proved particularly popular, and feedback forms completed by visitors were overwhelmingly positive, with many praising the friendliness of the staff.
Problems
Two issues detracted from visitors’ experience. Firstly, the car park was full by late morning, and a number of people were unable to park and left. Secondly, the gym was understaffed, resulting in long queues for the equipment. The early closure of the café also caused some frustration.5 Several visitors also commented that the signs inside the building were difficult to follow.
Recommendations
In light of the above, I would recommend the following.6 Additional staff should be scheduled in the gym, and the café should remain open until the end of the event. To reduce pressure on parking, visitors could be encouraged to use public transport, perhaps by offering a discount to anyone arriving by bus7. Finally, clearer signs should be put up at key points throughout the building.
221 words
What makes it better
- A precise title.
- A formal statement of purpose.
- A clear evaluation at the start of the section.
- Evidence that supports the evaluation.
- Problems grouped clearly, from most to least serious.
- A formal link between the problems and the recommendations.
- A specific, practical suggestion.
The marks
Success is evaluated with figures, the problems are explained and each one has a recommendation.
Objective and professional, as a manager would expect.
Headings follow the task, and each section is clearly organised.
Precise report language (detracted from, understaffed, in light of the above) with no errors.
What made the difference
- Content: Figures (200 visitors, 35 new members) show how successful the day was.
- Communicative achievement: Neutral and objective: no “I think”, no “That’s all”.
- Organisation: Headings for each part of the task, and every problem has a matching recommendation.
- Language: Formal, precise language: approximately, proved popular, resulting in, should be scheduled.
In a report, “evaluate” means give evidence. Numbers, comparisons and examples make your evaluation convincing.
Now write your own
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More examples
The marks are Levoop’s estimate using the four criteria Cambridge uses for Writing (0–5 each). Only Cambridge English can give an official mark. The texts were written for Levoop.