C1 Advanced proposal example, marked
The same proposal written twice: first an answer that would get about 10 out of 20 (just below a pass), then the same answer improved to about 18 out of 20. Every problem and every improvement is marked and explained, criterion by criterion.
The task
Your college has some money to spend on improving the student common room, and the principal has invited students to send in proposals.
In your proposal you should:
Points to include
- describe the problems with the common room at the moment
- suggest how the money could be spent
- explain how students would benefit
Write your proposal in 220–260 words.
Answer 1
about 10 / 20Proposal1
Hello, my name is Leo and I am a student in the second year.2 I want to give some ideas for the common room because it is not very nice at the moment.
Problems
The common room is very old. The chairs are uncomfortable and some of them are broken. There are only two tables, so it is difficult to study or eat there. There is also no Wi-Fi in the room. It is also very cold in winter and there is nothing to do, so students prefer to go to the café outside the college. Also the lights are not very good and the room is dark in the afternoon. It is a shame.3
Ideas
I think we can buy new sofas and a heater. We can also paint the walls in a more modern colour. Also we can buy some games like table tennis and a coffee machine. Maybe we can buy a big TV to watch football matches too. And maybe some plants because they are nice.4
Conclusion5
I think the students will be happy if the college does these things and more people will use the common room. Also it will be good for the image of the college. I hope you like my ideas. Thank you.
212 words
What goes wrong
- A heading, but it doesn’t say what the proposal is about.
- A proposal should start by stating its purpose, not by introducing yourself as in a letter.
- A comment that adds nothing: a proposal needs facts and reasons.
- “And maybe” sounds unsure and informal: ideas in a proposal should be clear and justified.
- The task asks how students would benefit, and this section doesn’t really answer it.
The marks
Problems and ideas are there, but the benefits for students are hardly explained.
Too personal and informal for a proposal to a college principal.
Headings help, but they are vague, and ideas are just added one after another.
Accurate but simple and repetitive (very old, very cold, very nice) for C1.
Answer 2: the same ideas, improved
about 18 / 20Proposal for improving the student common room1
Introduction
The purpose of this proposal is to outline the main problems with the common room and to suggest how the available funds could best be used.2 It is based on a short survey of thirty students.
Current situation
At present, the common room is little used3. The furniture is old and in some cases broken, there are only two tables, and the room is poorly heated, making it uncomfortable for much of the year. The lighting is also inadequate, so the room feels gloomy by mid-afternoon. As a result, most students choose to spend their breaks in the café opposite the college.4
Recommendations
I would propose that the money be spent in three ways.5 Firstly, replacing the broken chairs with comfortable seating and adding several large tables would allow students both to relax and to study together. Secondly, an efficient heating system should be installed. Finally, a coffee machine and a table tennis table would give students a reason to stay on site. Brighter lighting would complete the transformation.
Benefits
These changes would turn the common room into a genuine social hub.6 Students would have somewhere warm and welcoming to work and unwind between classes, which could strengthen the sense of community across year groups. Spending less at the café would also be a welcome saving for many.7
226 words
What makes it better
- A title that says exactly what the proposal is about.
- States the aim formally, as proposals should.
- Concise and precise.
- Explains the consequence of the problems.
- A formal structure, with the subjunctive “be spent”.
- Answers the third part of the task directly.
- An extra, convincing benefit.
The marks
Problems, a clear plan for the money and well-explained benefits.
Formal and persuasive, suitable for the principal.
Clear headings and a logical order: situation, recommendations, benefits.
A good range of formal language (outline, available funds, I would propose that…) used accurately.
What made the difference
- Content: A section on benefits answers the third point instead of “the students will be happy”.
- Communicative achievement: It persuades the principal with reasons, in a formal register.
- Organisation: Precise headings, and recommendations ordered Firstly, Secondly, Finally.
- Language: Formal proposal language: The purpose of this proposal is…, I would propose that…, would allow students to…
A proposal is about the future: what should happen and why it would help. Make sure every recommendation comes with a reason.
Now write your own
Practise with real exam tasks and model answers, and get AI feedback on your proposal: an estimated mark for each criterion, your mistakes corrected and tips to improve.
More examples
The marks are Levoop’s estimate using the four criteria Cambridge uses for Writing (0–5 each). Only Cambridge English can give an official mark. The texts were written for Levoop.