B1 Preliminary story example, marked
The same story written twice: first an answer that would get about 10 out of 20 (just below a pass), then the same answer improved to about 18 out of 20. Every problem and every improvement is marked and explained, criterion by criterion.
The task
Your English teacher has asked you to write a story.
Your story must begin with this sentence:
When Leo got to the station, the last train had already left.
Write your story.
Write your story in 90–120 words.
Answer 1
about 10 / 20When Leo got to the station, the last train had already left. He was very sad.1
He didn't know what to do. There was nobody in the station and the café was closed. Leo was hungry and tired. He call his mother2 but she didn't answer. It was very late and it was cold.
Then he saw a man. Then the man said can I help you. Then the man drive him to his house.3
The end.4
77 words
What goes wrong
- Simple, and it tells us the feeling instead of showing it.
- Past simple: “He called”.
- “Then” three times, no speech marks for what the man said, and “drove”.
- The story stops suddenly: the reader doesn’t know how Leo felt or what happened next.
The marks
The story follows on from the first sentence, but the ending is missing.
Events are listed, so there is no tension or interest for the reader.
The events are in order, but linked only with “Then”.
Simple language with some errors (He call, drive, no speech marks).
Answer 2: the same ideas, improved
about 18 / 20When Leo got to the station, the last train had already left. His heart sank as he watched its lights disappear into the darkness.1
The station was empty, the café was closed and his phone battery was almost dead. He tried calling his mother, but there was no answer.2
Just as he was starting to panic3, an old man in a taxi driver’s jacket walked over. “Missed the last train?4” he asked. “Don’t worry, I’m going your way.”
Twenty minutes later5, Leo was home. He tried to pay, but the man refused to take any money.
Since that night, Leo has always left home ten minutes early – and he has never forgotten the kindness of a stranger.6
118 words
What makes it better
- Shows the feeling with a picture instead of saying “he was sad”.
- Past simple and “but” used correctly.
- “Just as” creates tension and links the events.
- Direct speech makes the story come alive.
- A time expression moves the story on without “Then”.
- An ending that rounds off the story with what Leo learned.
The marks
A complete story that follows on from the first sentence, with a clear ending.
Tension, a surprise and a warm ending: it holds the reader’s interest.
Clear stages, linked with just as, twenty minutes later and since that night.
A good range for B1 (his heart sank, just as, has never forgotten) and direct speech used correctly.
What made the difference
- Content: The story has a proper ending instead of “The end.”.
- Communicative achievement: It shows feelings (his heart sank) and uses direct speech, so the reader is interested.
- Organisation: Time expressions (just as, twenty minutes later) replace “Then… Then… Then”.
- Language: The past tenses are correct, and the speech is punctuated properly.
Plan your ending before you start writing. A good story has a problem, something that happens, and an ending that makes the reader smile, think or feel something.
Now write your own
Practise with real exam tasks and model answers, and get AI feedback on your story: an estimated mark for each criterion, your mistakes corrected and tips to improve.
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The marks are Levoop’s estimate using the four criteria Cambridge uses for Writing (0–5 each). Only Cambridge English can give an official mark. The texts were written for Levoop.